NO-GOOD KIDS, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

I have now been 23 for almost two weeks.  This birthday was the first of its kind, in that I feel like I am no longer growing up but simply growing old.  Turning 23 forced me into an ‘adult overdrive.’  I now curtail my time on Perez Hilton, and instead try to catch up on the New York Times.  I panic over investments and Roth IRAs.  I’m showing up to work early.   I use wrinkle cream (it’s preventative!).  I’ve somehow begun a morning coffee habit, and thus instigated a caffeine addiction.  I now understand my mother’s love of Michael Buble (okay, this one simply isn’t true).  Regardless, I am officially becoming a Real Person.

 

My uneasiness with my new position is quite bizarre-I have looked forward to becoming a Real Person for quite some time.  In the folly of my youth, I couldn’t wait to make my own money, buy my own groceries, and own a stock portfolio.  I had such romantic ideas about the most mundane of things.  Some of these seem incredibly idealistic now, but some of them were really worth the wait.

ADULT THINGS THAT AREN’T AS COOL AS I THOUGHT THEY’D BE

-Dressing up for work.

For some reason I thought that wearing work attire would make me feel more productive and comfortable in my environment.  I suppose I had forgotten that I am about as graceful and ladylike in a pair of heels as I would imagine Eli Manning to be.

-Staying up late.

In the era of bedtimes and curfews, I couldn’t WAIT to be free of these chains of tyrannical rule.  I am now in bed by 11:00 six out of seven nights a week.  By choice.

 

ADULT THINGS THAT ARE AS KICKASS AS THEY SOUNDED

-Eating breakfast in bed.

I absolutely adore eating breakfast in bed.  Actually, it’s more than just breakfast.  I enjoy all meals and snacks in bed.  I enjoy watching movies, internet-surfing, knitting, and talking on the phone in my bed.  I have even, in moments of heightened emotion, enjoyed a clove cigarette in bed, using a dirty cereal bowl as an ashtray.  Any activity that is at all sedentary should and will be done on the confines of my mattress.

-Having control of the temperature.

Both at home and at work, I control the remotes for the air conditioners in my immediate environment.  I adore this privilege.  At home, my mother keeps the house so cold that , on several occasions, I contemplated killing the dog and slicing her open to use for warmth like Han Solo did to that Tauntaun in Empire Strikes Back.  Luckily, the dog died on her own terms before I ever completely lost judgment and did so.

So there you have it.  I’m now an early-rising, NPR-listening, prune-eating member of society.  So if you want to have a discussion about the weather, please do not hesitate to call me.  Odds are, I’ve checked weather.com within the past half hour.  Otherwise, call one of those bright color-wearing, loud music-listening, no good hipster kids.  I’ve no time for your crazy youthful antics.

 

 

Twilight Zone, July 28th, 2008

Today was just one of those days. The kind that made me question my lucidity (to be fair, my dreams have been eerily vivid as of late, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the big bulgy David Bowie from Labyrinth came out from under my bed right now and was all “what’s up, lady?”).

you remind me of the babe

So besides visions of 1986 Bowie dancing through my head, 3 really (relatively, as I’m from the Houston suburbs and anything that isn’t methodist and driving a truck is) weird things happened after leaving work this afternoon.

1] I walked down a crowded St. Marks street and heard shrieks that honestly made my heart skip a beat. This woman was frantically screaming her lost child’s name, trying to find him- and a crowd had formed around her, half stunned, half to help look. I’ve never heard such a frenzy in someone’s voice before. Someone finally found and pushed the kid towards his mother and she hysterically pulled him away and kissed him compulsively. The crowd stood back for a few seconds and then dispersed as if nothing had happened.

2] I watched someone hand a busker $20. This actually happens? Some change, sure. A dollar if they impress you – but $20? Perhaps the kind sir was very impressed with the dude playing reggae on the electric guitar. Maybe he holds a special (very special?) place in his heart for the Caribbean. I’m guessing he didn’t realize the $1 and $20 magically switched places in his wallet. Either way, I did a double take.

3] We (Emily and myself, roommates, life partners, et al.) got a foreclosure notice today. What does this mean? We have no idea, but I’ve had Craigslist open for the past 2 hours looking for a new place (just in cases). Apparently our landlord owes the Big Bank over $175,000. Glad you fixed that leaky crack in the ceiling we told you about over a month ago!* I suppose he has bigger problems to deal with right now. After googling things like “my landlord took all my money and all I got was this stupid foreclosure notice”, I still have no better understanding about what’s going on. Through my immediate panic, I also realized that none of my friends are in real estate. Real Life: 1, Natalie: 0

*still unfixed, still leaky

Captain America sighted!

Alive….and with feminine features?

 So yes I have officially been out geeked for 2008, a hard task  considering all the TDK virals I was in on, but one hath done it and  Red Skull be thy name. My dear friend Niraj is lucky enough to be at  San Diego Comic Con right now, and bad ass enough to be in  costume!

(Though I never doubted that fact at all – the bad  assery…or the guts to rock the Skull).

 

Good job my friend good job! 

And check it, he even made the Chicago Tribune!

ratpack.packrat – both just as cool

So I have to admit it I’m quite a packrat, I seem to be able to develop sentimental value for even the tiniest scrap of paper. Case in point, I got kinda sad the other day because on my giant block of post-its I found myself on the last pink page. Only one sparse note separated me from the shocking world of yellow, and I was a little hesistant to make the plunge, pink and I had somehow managed to be together for years.

So yes, I’m a bit of a packrat, much like the little guy who loved shiny stuff on Fred Penner’s Place (okay does anyone remember that show at all? middle aged guy in the late 80’s early 90’s that crawled through a log into a forest area with little puppet animals like this frog guy named Giorgio and then there was some little guy who liked shiny stuff….I really had to research a bit for this info…well ‘cept for the bit about the guy who liked shiny stuff- that I remembered). My favorite finds are usually vintage items that I’ve acquired either for free or for a nominal fee at a yard sale or thrift store. My mom and former roommates, have questioned my thought process on several occasions because of the excitement I experience with these amazing finds, but I think it’s ingenious.

My first epic find was at the old Diversity Thrift when it was over off Cary St. This place was amazing – it’s still pretty awesome over off Blvd. but I haven’t had nearly the success or enjoyment of the old place with its bad lighting and lack of air conditioning. Here I found an old cannon ammunition case used to hold/transport rounds for modern cannons for the military. It’s basically a big wooden crate with a metal latch and rope handles – plus some pretty awesome black lettering describing its contents. This is the prized display case for a portion of my DVD’s now.

Another good find at Diversity was my microscope. It’s metal and greyish-blue just like you’d expect to see on a lab table, and was the only addition to my old electronic equipment collection that I paid for, but it was a mere $2 – a steal!

So the broken electronic equipment collection – strange but true. A couple old manual cameras, the aforementioned microscope, an old stand up microphone (think school announcements from the 70s) and then 2 really cool old super 8 cameras that I got from my friend Jason. He was moving and had all this old stuff in his trunk so I quickly grabbed up these treasures to place on display. The whole spread makes me quite happy and adds a certain quirk to the bookcases/countertop corners of my living room. I’d really like one of those old metal microphones with the metal encasing – omg that’d be the best!

Last summer my heart was a flurry when lowbrow’s own Emily called me exclaiming that she had stumbled across some theater seats (which was well known to many to by my dream possession and for which I had spent many an hour on ebay). I quickly rushed to the antique shop to find my treasure (three connected iron and wooden seats for a mere 60 bucks!) and proudly tote them home – boy were they heavy but I still smile every day knowing that I have them!!! (Emily also found a dream find that day in the very same shop – an old card catalogue – a pure joy for her inner librarian).

Now there have been a couple items over the years which I’ve managed to procure from around dumpsters/alleys (mind you, never IN the dumpster) which I’ve considered great and FREE finds. First off there was the amazing reconnaissance mission when visiting Emily at her former employer – Hollywood Video. There by the dumpster was a giant cardboard bust (2 dimensional mind you) of Paul Giamatti. Sideways had recently come onto DVD and this beaut had been up in the store but his time had passed. Or rather his time had come, to be ridiculously displayed in my apartment behind the door of my pantry – which lent quite a laugh to unsuspecting parties.

Then there was the epic of broken futon – not THE broken futon, just broken futon like that was its name. And really it wasn’t that broken, just missing some decorative slats from its mission style side panels on one side. I was without couch at the time because my mom had decided to sell the couch I was borrowing from her indefinitely. So I disassembled said futon and dragged it up to my apt. with the help of a sly accomplice. This futon hung out on the balcony for 2 weeks while I tried to find an acceptable cushion. But then my roommate got a bed and lent his futon to the living room. Broken futon returned to the dumpster from whence it came – no harm no foul – however my mother still holds it against me.

Then there were a few other small items like some apple crates which I fashioned into a bookcase, and some coveted items which were not feasible – like the chesterfield style couch sans cushions that was lurking by the apartment. But the latest find was a moment of pure excitement as I took Winston on his morning walk. A set of lockers discarded behind the little pariochial school down the street from my current apartment. Now normally this would be pretty sweet however for ME it was truly epic. See I live in an old elementary school that they’ve converted into apartments. It looks like a school, smells like a school and now MY apartment has lockers like a school, FTW! Now they were disassembled but I gathered all the parts, however I might just find that 1- I don’t have enough space for full lockers or 2 – that I totally can’t put them back together, but either way the doors are still in their housing and functional so they will make an awesome addition to my decor.

Annnnnd I’ll try and get motivated to post pictures of some of these treasures

The QWERTY. I want it.

I’m on my way out of the office and on to try and get one of these bad boys:

oh, hey gurl

Why? It’s simple. I will not rest until I have an internet chip inserted into my brain and I can pull up google while underground, on the subway, questioning if my stomach ache is cancer*. Because, obviously, these are the things I use google for.

*Bless you, WebMD symptom checker

see these ice cubes, see these ice creams

Ok this was just for Emily, she knows about my preoccupation of taking pictures with ice cream.

 

But seriously, have you had a drumstick lately? BANGIN’! They’re my culinary preoccupation of the moment. I’ll eat the healthiest blah lunch ever if it means I can have one of these little treasures later in the day. And the best part is…..the chocolate at the bottom of the cone! You’re all sad because your ice-creamy delight has come to an end and there at the cusp is a little morsel of joy, a solid piece of chocolate sitting at the bottom of the cone.

 

I also share this same sentiment about clown sundaes at Friendly’s. You’ve got your cone hat, your whipped cream hair (why is it that the clown sundae always seems to suffer from male pattern baldness?), your face rudely constructed out of candies – and by face I mean eyes because if memory serves me correct that’s all these suckers have. But then after you indulge in your scoop of flavor fancy, amidst the puddle sweet melted far too quicky, when your happiness dwindles, REESE’S PIECES! A pile of them, cold and covered in melted cream, happiness at the bottom of the bowl. Alcoholics never find this joy, that’s why I’m a firm believer in the power of ice cream.

But lets think about this for a moment: of all the candy treasures, Reese’s Pieces? Seems kind of odd, one would figure M&M’s would be the logical favorite, but Friendly’s took a stand and went the way of the peanut butter covered in the sweet candy shell. A break from the norm I’ve always appreciated. So here’s to you Mr Friendly’s and your decision to choose the Pieces (Pee-See – as my Em and Nat know I have quite an interesting take on the pronunciation of this candy term) I support your decision, even though I will never quite understand where Fribble came from.

So yes, I love ice cream. I often recount the amazing ice creams of the world tour Emily and I had last summer. I will now share a list (although not complete) of the best ice creams known to man:

Crema di Dogi – there’s this gelato shop outside the Piazza San Marco, BEST F’in ice cream EVER. Imagine lemon and vanilla combined with bits of fudgy chocolate. It’s enough to make you wander aimlessly through the streets of Venice to find it – we did.

Fudgesicles – I don’t know what it is about these magic wonders that makes me continue to love them after all these years despite how much I hate that frostbite feeling on my tongue (and if anyone else has ever had the banana variant the “banana fudgo” please let me know, we’re soulmates)

Chipwiches – They will always remind me of summer camp when I was 10.  Cookies + ice cream = winner. (this statement also explains my love for ice cream sandwiches and cookies and cream ice cream as well)

Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food – As much as I hate hippies, jam bands and the Northeast it cannot compare to my love of this chocolate ice cream with caverns of delicious caramel and marshmallow goo.

Firecracker popsicles – Is the white lemon flavored? I never could tell

Push-ups – My mom loved these, therefore they were always around. One time they weren’t Orange flavored, that just was too much to comprehend.

Ice creams that were gross but you always ate them anyhow- see: any brightly colored cartoon shaped ice cream with strategically placed gumballs. WHYDIDIGETTHESETHEYWEREGROSS.

Emily of the Dead

If you know me at all, you know I tend to have irrational fears. I have the mainstream fears covered-fear of death, claustrophobia, fear of heights, etc.-but some of my other fears are slightly more odd. I recently added a new one to the list. I was sitting in Subway the other day, reading Self The New Yorker and eating a turkey sub, when a man approached me on my left heading for the sandwich line. He was bending down to scratch his leg, and somehow in my peripheral (which is admittedly less than perfect) I got the impression that he was bending down to bite my arm. I jumped in my chair because I was sure a zombie was attacking me. I’ve always been kind of indifferent to zombies, and although I love the bloodbath they cause, I’ve never found them to be particularly scary. This has all changed. I was convinced that motherfucker was going to gnaw on my forearm, and it was TERRIFYING. Because of this traumatizing event, I can no longer pass anyone who looks ragged, dimwitted, or at all green-tinted without worrying for my life. In the New York subway system this fear proves to be quite the challenge. Not to mention the fact that this is only one in an ever-growing list of irrational fears, including, but not limited to:

· Botulism

· Scurvy

· Jogging in public (Not due to the humiliation factor, but because it seems that all women who are attacked by psychotics and rapists are out jogging. This is not an incentive for fitness.)

· Boogers (They’re just fucking gross, and I’m sure that they’re everywhere)

· Blood clots and brain aneurysms

· Cracking open an egg and finding a baby chicken

· That recurring nightmare I have where my hamster has hundreds of babies and they attack my bed. (This is particularly irrational since he is both single and presumably male.)

· Hidden cameras in my bathroom

· Being yelled at by anyone anywhere

· Toxic Shock Syndrome

· Hoodlum youths

· Being mocked on Gawker for some reason unbeknownst to me.

· Extremely pregnant women and brand new infants

· Birds

This is a difficult life to live! It is hard to have simple pleasures in life when around any twist or turn there is something potentially fatal or unsavory. It is truly an exhausting existence, and a thankless one at that. I have gone through every day of my 23 years on Earth dodging zombies and preventing scurvy, with no reward or recognition of my accomplishments. I can only continue this daily battle because I know that someday soon my clarity and lucidity will fade and I will become a basketcase-it seems fairly inevitable. At this time I will bask in my blissful ignorance, throw off my clothes (I will undoubtedly be a nude crazy person), and approach the world with nothing to fear. But until then, I will continue checking my shower for cameras and checking my tin cans for dents-you can never be too careful.

I’m not a stalker, I promise.

Listen. It’s not that I haven’t done this before, it’s just that I’ve never done it with two other people (blogging, you creep). Kristin, Emily, and I have been talking about this group blogging spectacular for a while, and it’s been pumped up, and… I have to be funny and witty and all of those wonderful things. Or, at the very least, try. So I’ve been fretting over what my first post should be about. I mean, it could easily be about my love for anything edible, or perhaps my obsession with trashy (albeit, awesome) television shows. But those posts will happen eventually, I promise. Stop worrying.

This post is going to be about celebrities. Not the kinds you read about on blogs with pink backgrounds, like these:

Although, ohmygoodness, seeing an Olsen would be my ultimate celebsiting ever

…But the celebrities we all have in our lives; the ones who don’t know they’re celebrities. I have more of these than I can count- most of whom I collected during college. You know, like the guy who wore a flannel bathrobe and slippers to all of his classes, the girl who made it a point to sleep with the entirety of the rugby team first semester freshman year, and most of the fake frat boys who genuinely seemed to enjoy wearing critter pants. (Nothing against critter pants here, really, it’s just that I find them to be on a level of irony all their own):

you look so hot right now

Anyway.

Beyond the critters. Personal celebrities are kind of like crushes- they don’t know that I’m staring (although they probably do), or that I’m making up an entire life story for them in my head. Here’s my open letter to a current personal celebrity:

Dear Mean Lady On the 7 Train in the Mornings,

I used to stand next to you while waiting for the train, but then I realized you needed your personal space. And I think once you pooted while I was standing there. So now I watch you from afar. I like that you wear your sunglasses at all times – rain or shine, above or below ground. It keeps you mysterious, and most likely hides your evil glares. I wonder if you watch me watching you, but then I get creeped out and stop thinking about that. I like that your entire wardrobe is black, as is your box-died hair. Are you a vampire? I hope you don’t hate your life- it’s just that you’re not a morning person. Or a vampire. I’m sure deep down, you just need a good hug. I would give you that hug, but I’m pretty sure you carry a shiv.

Sincerely,
Natalie

A Winstonian Saturday

That sounds important and cultured does it not?  Well the trick’s on you, it’s really just a reference to my lazy ass day spent watching movies in bed with my pup. His name is Winston, or Winstonian on occasion and he’s pretty much the dog equivalent to me. Which means today we were lazy. Some Swingtown, A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, True Romance – we like violence, the 60’s and and a little quirky love.

So here are some fun pics of me and my puggy companion and how we spend most of our free time:

How we usually find ourselves watching flicks in bed

Sometimes we're silly

Like when we re-enact scenes from Romeo and Juliet

And sometimes Winston makes profound observations

nerdtown, population: me

So as my first entry into our fair blog I figured I would set the trend for what could very well be all subsequent entries by yours truly.  As you will learn more with each passing entry I am among many things: completely enamored with pop culture (most notably cinema), horrendously random and subject to tangents and weird allusions and of course a complete and utter nerd.

Take for instance my evening tonight: 

A planned event with 2 of my boys which we entitled  ”Qdoba Knight,” where we combined the Wednesday affair of Qdoba double points night with a screening of the new animated feature Batman: Gotham Knight. I repeat, nerdtown, population: me.

But let me tell you this film was a delight. I had watched a preview in the extras for Justice League: A New Frontier (another great animated feature) and I was pumped. So I eagerly waited for its release on DVD (yesterday) – a compilation of shorts that bridge the gap between Batman Begins and the upcoming The Dark Knight. Now plot wise I wouldn’t say this so much as bridges the gap as it hits a couple touch points. Detective Gordon, now Lt. Major Crimes Unit, established. Narrows, now considered fully as Arkham Asylum grounds. There’s a bit with Scarecrow, fear toxin is brought back into play, but otherwise the flick stands on its own without needed pretense of Begins. However, I will say that this is probably less enjoyable without said knowledge of the film or Batlore. Did I mention Killer Croc and DeadShot show up?!

What really caught me about the film was the striking difference in style from previous Batmanimation (I really hope I just coined that term). The artistic style in this film is heavily influenced by anime and each vignette’s AD is completely varied. The final vignette “Deadshot” was by far my favorite artistically, and was definitely the most entertaining for me with a good action pace and plenty of snarky/campy commentary (shouts to jels for also recognizing this) It did have a little too much of a Wanted flair to it with sniper shots and subway battles, but perhaps that’s just TOMA. However, I was really intrigued by “Working Through Pain”. This vignette, through flashbacks, tells of Bruce’s training in some unnamed (or at least to my knowledge) Hindu country to dismiss his pain. Through meditation and training Bruce learns to work through his pain, of course only physically because really where would Batman be without his inner turmoil? Very Rashomon meets “Cruel Tutelage of Pai Mei“.

The other segment that might very well be my favorite of all was the first, “Have I Got A Story For You.” This one tells several varying accounts of the Bat Man through the eyes of children who may or may not have had interaction with him in the past. It’s an interesting look at perception of the hero by children who seem to struggle between feelings of fear and impressions of virtue. An interesting concept considering  the upcoming film, TDK’s presentation of Gotham as being torn between opinions of Batman as a hero by some and vigilante by others. The art style is this was much different from the rest, varying from the playful depiction of the children in a style reminding me slightly of Travis Milliard to the frightful dark (and varying) depictions of Batman within each of the children’s accounts. 

So yeah that was probably more than you ever wanted to know about this straight to DVD animated bat-flick, but whatever – I loved it and I’m on Batman craze right now (T-7 days, 1 hour).

For more of my Batffection, check out my horrendously not well written account (due to pure adrenaline) of just a portion of my involvement in the TDK/ARG at our brothers in blog’s site, internetpunch.com